How many people do you need to believe in you?
I asked my 17-year old son that question today and his response???
We have to believe in us. And when we do, the biggest battle is over somehow. We learn to look for our identity in society, our friends, our family, our government and so on. Who do they give us permission to be? What do they say I should be about? There are many disorders based on our relationship to the thoughts that others have about us. And what we think of ourselves. The most recent? The ‘Imposter Syndrome’! Wow! Ofcourse it’s treatable. <smile> That’s another racket!
The box that we’ve allowed ourselves to be assigned to demands our continual compliance. And, please, please, don’t try to even poke a toe out of that box. Psychologist Dr. Jordan Peterson refers to the ‘powers’ that people use to keep our behavior ‘acceptable’ to them. There are many ways that people use to relay to us whether or not they approve of us. Man! I was floored. altough I have experienced this first hand. There is a lot of ‘stuff’ coming our way. Imagine that many of the people we know are seeking to ‘let us know’ of their approval rating of us. Verbal and non-verbal. Who can stand under this pressure? We all do! On a daily basis. That can’t be healthy. May be not. But, it is normal. If they approve, and if we care, how might it make us feel?
However, enter in, our own phenomenal ability and right to believe in and approve of ourselves.
“This above all: to thine own self be true an it must follow, as the night the day. Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!” Hamlet, In Act 1, Scene III. ~ William Shakespeare.
The struggle is real because we have, in many ways, been brainwashed to doubt ourselves. These voices will ring in our subconscious forever until we address it. And arrest it. And evict it. Not an easy thing to do. But doable it is( in my Yoda voice).
If we lack belief in ourselves, we must turn that around. Our ability to do that will sap the power out of what others think. We only have to look in one place. AMAZING! Not that we stop striving to be the best that WE can be because we don’t need anyone. That’s not what I’m saying. But I am saying we don’t need to rely on them to ‘validate’ us. Live Out Loud, meaning be the YOU you are made and built to be. In the middle of what’s going on around you in the economics of the world, the politics, the religion, the sociology and everything else, the YOU must come out.
As a professional, I must believe in my ability to be the BEST. Set my goals and make them happen. Set stretch goals and make them happen. I call them BHAG’s a la organizational leadership expert Jim Collins. Big Hairy Audacious Goals. To build belief in yourself, begin to journal your struggles and how you turned them into your triumphs. In times of challenge go back to the journal. Remember what you did and how you accomplished it. How about patting YOURSELF on the back! Remind yourself that you are great and your best days are ahead of you.
As a leader, I had to take this queue… I am already been validated because I am in theis space. Someone believes that I can do this and they are betting on it! Let’s start by going with THAT! The people who follow may or may not believe in you but that’s another story for another time. Let’s say they do believe. Here’s your baseline. Now, I am sure that there those situations where you were in a bind. Self-belief may have been hard to muster. I’ve been there. Those are the times when you have to dig deep and PUT on the belief and ‘stand up under it’. By that I mean tell yourself you did it before AND you can do it again. Act and the feeling will follow. Move your team/company even when your belief is low. You only need one person to believe in you. Be that committee of one.
Until next time, Live Out Loud, Play Full Out and be INVINCIBLE in YOUR Space!
#SelfAcceptance #StayInvincible #CommitteeOfOne